Why did you choose to lift me up Why did you choose to give me hope Even when I lost all of myself
Why did you keep me breathing When many wished me dead
Why did you bring me out of that bottomless void And show me where I could be instead
Why do you love me I will never understand
Blessing upon blessing, I can’t even count I can never understand but I shall never doubt Your love, mercy, and blessings They’re my everything Having you in my life, Jesus Has given my life new meaning.
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17
My pregnancy progressed with no obstacles. Movements became stronger by the day and it filled my heart with joy every time I felt him move. I started showing pretty early and also lost between 8-10 kgs in the first and second trimester because of my eating habits. Overall, we were blessed with a peaceful pregnancy, considering we were busy balancing our office work and home work and were up late most nights.
Letting my office know!
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
Sometime in July, there were talks about offices opening up in phases and this worried me a bit. I decided to have a talk with my manager and to let him know that I am pregnant. When I chatted with him, by default I took the approach of apologizing for being pregnant, like I was admitting I made a mistake; and I also was more focused on reassuring my manager that my pregnancy would not stop me from performing at the expected levels. His response shocked me. He first asked me not to apologize and congratulated me because a second kid is good news (I knew that but the fear of being judged made me behave otherwise). He went on to tell how good it is to have a second child and that we had made a good decision as a family. He concluded by assuring me that the team, office, and he would help in every way to make my pregnancy easy on me and that I would not be required to come to office until it is completely safe to and only if I want to. He even asked me to send an email including everything we discussed and replied back with a confirmation on the same.
His kind words really made me feel so much comfortable, it showed that as an organization and as a manager, they had my best interests in mind, and treated me like an employee and not a machine. With the way things were going, offices did not open until much much later, sometime in either November or December!
Thia starts loving baby Lionel…
“For you make me glad by your deeds, Lord; I sing for joy at what your hands have done. How great are your works, Lord, how profound your thoughts!” Psalms 92:4-5
We had to consciously make Thia sleep next to Santosh more, to avoid her kicking or headbutting my stomach by mistake in the night. The transition was hard but Thia made it easy, as always! She was weaned off breastmilk and moved to formula in the first trimester and soon she started to understand when we repeatedly told her that there is a baby in amma’s stomach. One day, sometime between the first and second trimester, Thia lifted my t-shirt up and kissed my stomach and said baby Lion. From that day onwards, she always addressed my stomach as baby Lion and was always aware that she had to be careful around my stomach.
When the movements became more prominent, I started letting her feel the kicks, but it took her till my third trimester to properly feel the kicks herself when I put her hand over my stomach. Through my pregnancy, Thia grew to love her little brother in my stomach, much before he was even born. This truly was a blessed time.
Our decision to shift homes!
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
In the mid of 2020, we decided that we would need to shift to a smaller house to be more financially stable. We first discussed making this move sometime in the beginning of 2021. But circumstances changed and we had to prepone our decision to move as early as October itself. After discussions and debates, we decided to move in October so that it won’t be too close to my delivery date. My dad decided to move in to a one bedroom close to us so that he would continue to have his own space and privacy.
Once that was decided, we started mentally preparing ourselves for the move, as we knew this time we had accumulated a lot of stuff and the move was definitely going to be super hard on us 😛
Continued protection and good health!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and through my second trimester, we were able to better refine my diet. Also, with a better understanding of what suited and what didn’t suit me, we were able to keep my sugar under control with almost minimal oral medication, and no insulin, AT ALL!!!
Our anomaly and NT scan went well and baby Lion was growing strong, healthy and flawless, under God’s love and protection. We only regretted not spending as much time talking to Lionel as we did with Thia. Our main focus was to ensure Thia never felt excluded, whilst getting our office work done and keeping the house clean. Now that by itself was a herculean task.
My blessing: my husband!!!
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:28-33
Santosh spent most of last year working day and night! During the day he took care of Thia, and in the nights he worked late to ensure he was meeting deadlines. And he never complained, even once…
I can’t thank God enough for him in my life. The way he is, the way he treats me and our family, is a true testament to his upbringing and faith, all and only God it is!
So now that I knew I was pregnant, it was time to let my doctor know and fix the necessary appointments. Before we started the next steps, we sat and spent some time thanking God. Then we informed our first family; parents and siblings. Everyone was so happy and every time I thought of how God showed me this and promised me exactly this, it filled me with more joy.
God’s promise, delivered!
Soon after, we informed Dr. Rajnish and he asked us to come in for our first scan and appointment post the lockdown. I was already so excited, excited to hear the heartbeat and know that there was a little baby growing in me. But we were also so anxious about being pregnant in the midst of such a weird time, with the pandemic and everything surrounding it. But we decided to stand strong on our faith. God had promised us a baby and had given us as promised.
So if God had chosen this time for me to be pregnant, then he would protect me through this pregnancy as well. And we again reminded ourselves to stand strong on our faith and trust God.
Trusting in God’s protection, always!
“The God of my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; my Savior, You save me from violence. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.” 2 Samuel 22:3-4
My first scan was good. We heard the heartbeat and were filled with so much joy. The doctors appointment went well and we started settling into the new normal, where Santosh wasn’t even allowed to come in for my scans. I felt bad but it was what it was. And rules like this had to be followed for a reason.
My pregnancy progressed and I started experiencing very severe nausea caused by an aversion to a long list of foods. This list included dals, spices, coconut, certain veggies… the list was so endless. So many things made me sick that it took me a while before I figured out what didn’t. That one thing that I enjoyed was meat! This was so totally opposite to my pregnancy with Thia.
Facing challenges, with God steering us…
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
We also had to give blood and urine tests in our next appointment. and when my test results came back, it became evident that I had a very serious urinary infection (bacterial), and to top it, this infection was completely asymptomatic. This worried me as the doctor mentioned I would need to take antibiotics to treat the infection and there was a small chance of miscarriage. With my history of miscarriage, the word by itself, with however small the risk, made me scared. But I continued to pray and trust God, cos this was His blessing, and He would protect it.
My blood tests also showed that I may have gestational diabetes and hypothyroidism, and I was put on medication for both. This further shortened the list of things I could eat. It was definitely a struggle but we overcame it all and set ourselves into a routine of what to eat and what to not eat. There were still so many days when I would eat something thinking it is okay and then I’d be sick for the rest of the day.
By the end of the first trimester, we were able to monitor my sugar, and my medicines were reduced to the minimal. Though I was restricted from eating most of the things that I liked, I still was healthy and had a healthy baby growing in me.
I am so thankful God took care of these pregnancy concerns for me:
Bacterial urinary infection: Disappeared within a week with medication and without any long term effects on baby and me. Santosh had a dream during this time that we met with an accident but we were okay, even the baby.
Low heartbeat: First scan showed that the babies heartbeat was a little low. The heart beat picked up drastically within weeks.
Gestational diabetes: I was diagnosed with gestational (not completely confirmed in the first trimester) and put on medication to control the sugar levels. God brought me down to the lowest level of medicine by the end of my first trimester. He gave us the wisdom to identify and eat only those foods that kept the sugar in control.
Breathlessness: During my second month, I experienced severe breathlessness a couple of times and informed my doctor of the same. The doctor suggested a cardio visit if it continued. Prayed about it and the breathlessness reduced drastically.
This is just some of the many ways God protected us during the first trimester.
Feeling him for the first time!
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
I started feeling flutters when I was about 11 and half weeks pregnant. These felt so identifiably different from the usual gas or acidity you feel when you’re pregnant. I was amazed at how early I could feel him, and how often as well. It was truly amazing.
He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. Psalm 112:7
This is something I have thought over many times! When times are tough, we are so quick to start praying and asking God for a resolution. But when God answers our prayers, why do we turn his blessing around by simply saying, “OMG, I can’t believe it, I got so lucky”, or, “It is such a coincidence, I was just wishing for this yesterday, and it just came and fell on my lap”
Luck? Coincidence? Are these really the reason you got that job you have been praying for? or that much needed raise in your salary to help you meet ends and have a little excess to save as well?
No, these aren’t either! These blessings and miracles in our lives are God’s grace being showered upon us, cause He alone will sustain and supply all our needs.
‘And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. ‘ Philippians 4:19
So the next time you get something that you really prayed hard for, or just something that you knew you needed and God decides to give it to you, don’t forget to pray and be thankful!
‘pray continually, Rejoice always, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
God’s wondrous miracles: and how he guided us step by step
God blessed us financially…
“Be still and know that I am God,” Psalm 46:10
From the day I got to know that I was
pregnant with you Thia, God’s blessings showered on us in abundance! No, I am
not exaggerating about this one bit. Let me walk you through all the blessings
of God during the first trimester!
Matthew 6:8 (NIV) Do not be like them, for
your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
During the December of 2018, amma decided to quit her job and take a break for a couple of months to spend time with your paati (grandmother)! But God decided to take her up to be with Him instead at the end of December, this is something we have spoken about several times I am sure 😀 Amma started looking for work from home jobs around the mid of December to keep busy and landed a decent job that I was to start with in January.
Sometime in October though, while serving
notice, I decided to reapply to Cognizant and had resent my resume to my
friend, aunty Ramya, remember her? Anyways around the end of January, when I
was pretty content with my work from home job, I got a call from Cognizant from
my team manager and she said she had received my profile to reapply and wanted
to speak briefly with me. We spoke for quite a bit, with me doing most of the
talking telling her about why I left and what am I doing in the gap of time of
not being with Cognizant and how I decided to rejoin. She spoke with me about
my work and skills and finally said they would love to have me back and that
the HR people would get in touch with me soon. A few weeks after this call, I
got to know I was pregnant and totally forgot about this interview and that I
should be expecting a call to take it forward.
I had signed a 3-month contract that would be renewed or made full time based on performance post the given duration, but somehow I wasn’t so much for continuing with the contract as I felt I wasn’t in the right headspace to take up a work from home opportunity with this particular place. Appa and I discussed this, and we prayed about it and decided to leave everything completely in God’s hands. We stayed focused on my pregnancy and were ecstatic as well as cautious about our little blessing, maybe a little overcautious at times, but that was something that we couldn’t stop, we are human after all!
Sometime around the start of March, I got a call from the HR and they confirmed that they would be taking my profile further and had a discussion about joining dates with me. I said I will join by April, and that coincidentally was also past my first trimester, which marked the end of the danger period for us. Post this call, there was no more interaction from anyone for days and I almost lost hope that they would send an offer. Then finally, days later, they sent a request for information and asked me to quote my current CTC and my expected CTC. I was so skeptical Thia, cos I knew that when joining back in such a short period, I shouldn’t expect too much of a pay hike, but I still decided to quote a number that in my head seemed reasonably right and not like I am asking for too much. I sent this out with so much deliberation and appa asked me to just pray and leave everything to God, and that is exactly what I did. Some 3 days later, we woke up and were drinking a glass of milk in the morning and I received the offer letter. When I opened it, I couldn’t believe what I saw, I had been offered a CTC with a 50% increase in my previously drawn salary! That was 20% more than what amma asked for, that is how miraculous and wonderful our God is! He knows our every need and fulfills it as per His plan.
God sent the right Doctor for us!
‘For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; ‘ Psalm 91:11
So this is a bit funny… Amma had been going to a doctor a little far from home, a very reputed doctor who was helping us figure out why we were not able to get pregnant. Post some testing and reassuring us that everything was alright, she told us to not give up and asked us to come to her once we got the positive pregnancy test. Once we got to know I’m pregnant, we went to meet her the very next day as I had a trip planned to Chennai the day after. She met and congratulated us and then she proceeded to tell us to go to Bangalore Baptist Hospital where she told us to meet Dr. Mary (name changed) in a month’s time post the first scan.
Now little did we know that this doctor was
a specialist in infertility and that we were only to meet her so that she could
suggest any other good doctor to us within the hospital.
A month later we went for our scan and that was the first time we heard your heartbeat, we were so elated. Even Shekar thatha (grandfather) came with us for the scan and was truly overjoyed to be able to hear the heartbeat. Once we got the reports, we went to Baptist and booked an appointment with the doctor. Now, this is where it gets funny. The nurse called us in and appa, thatha (grandfather) and I proceeded towards the doctor’s room but the nurse stopped thatha (grandfather) and asked him to wait outside. We found this kind of weird and asked the nurse to let him in, and she requested that he come in after a while.
We went in and greeted the doctor and she
asked us, “So what is the issue?”. And I was kind of taken aback by the
question and told her, “Actually I am two months pregnant!”, and wondered why
she thought I had an issue. She then smiled and asked me, “Then why are you
here? I specialize in infertility!”
We laughed and then told her that we were sent by another doctor and gave her the slip. So it turned out that Dr. Mary (name changed) worked under my previous doctor and she had asked us to meet her to get a referral to a good doctor to handle our pregnancy. The next thing she told me was, “congrats, so are you okay with a male doctor?”. I immediately and instinctively said, “yes” and then looked at appa and his eyes seemed to be asking me, “are you really okay with a male doctor?” And I nodded to assure him that I was okay. Then I added, “I am okay with either if you feel the doctor is good and right for me”. So that is when she recommended Dr. Rajnish to me, the doctor that brought you into this world safe. Dr. Rajnish turned out to be such a blessing in our life, as you will get to know by the end of these letters.
God did make sure that we were financially
and mentally stable throughout this blessed time of pregnancy.
God tested our faith: Through prayer, anything is possible!
So amma had a nuchal translucency scan
(more commonly known as NT scan) during the 11th week. We were so
excited to see you during this scan, our little miracle baby. So after our
scan, we were sent to see Dr. Rajnish who told us there was a slight
abnormality in the baby, that there was less liquid in the back of her neck and
this could be indicative of Down’s syndrome. He explained to us slowly what are
the chances of it being Down’s and said that there is a new genetic blood test
that is done that can determine the chances of genetic deformities. He said
this blood test would take about 3 weeks, and based on the result we can decide
if we want to go ahead with an amniocentesis, which is an invasive method of
collecting fetal tissue to test for Down’s and carries the risk of miscarriage.
He said based on the results we can decide if we want to keep the pregnancy or
not. This completely shook us up, we were so upset! How could this be? We
thought how could God take our special blessing away from us?
We went back home dazed, your Sneha periamma (maternal aunt)was with us and she asked us to wait and see what happens. We immediately scheduled the blood test and decided to pray. We spoke to Vinu athai (paternal aunt) and she said the same thing, pray and wait. And that is exactly what we did. We prayed and gave the blood test. The test results were to come only after another 3 weeks. So we decided to make a trip to Chennai to attend one of appas cousins wedding. We thought we could also go to church and request for prayers there. We did just that. We went to Chennai and spent 2 days there, and went and met the pastor who prayed for us. We came back to Bangalore and waited anxiously with all our faith in God for the blood test results to come back. The results came back around 3 weeks later and when we looked through the results, it showed as no risk of any of the genetic deformities. Praise God for being able to turn the whole report upside down.
We went to meet Dr. Rajnish the next day and all he said was, “now that we have crossed this hurdle, let us move forward and enjoy this pregnancy”, and that’s just what we did. And this is not all of it, from the day you were born, at as young as 2 or 3 weeks of age, you had a strong and stable neck, almost being able to hold your head up straight, now how amazing is our God. He turned every doubting word around and gave us a baby that was much stronger than she was meant to be. Praise God and his amazingness!
