My Covid Diaries: God ordained pregnancy

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17

My pregnancy progressed with no obstacles. Movements became stronger by the day and it filled my heart with joy every time I felt him move. I started showing pretty early and also lost between 8-10 kgs in the first and second trimester because of my eating habits. Overall, we were blessed with a peaceful pregnancy, considering we were busy balancing our office work and home work and were up late most nights.

Letting my office know!

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

Sometime in July, there were talks about offices opening up in phases and this worried me a bit. I decided to have a talk with my manager and to let him know that I am pregnant. When I chatted with him, by default I took the approach of apologizing for being pregnant, like I was admitting I made a mistake; and I also was more focused on reassuring my manager that my pregnancy would not stop me from performing at the expected levels. His response shocked me. He first asked me not to apologize and congratulated me because a second kid is good news (I knew that but the fear of being judged made me behave otherwise). He went on to tell how good it is to have a second child and that we had made a good decision as a family. He concluded by assuring me that the team, office, and he would help in every way to make my pregnancy easy on me and that I would not be required to come to office until it is completely safe to and only if I want to. He even asked me to send an email including everything we discussed and replied back with a confirmation on the same.

His kind words really made me feel so much comfortable, it showed that as an organization and as a manager, they had my best interests in mind, and treated me like an employee and not a machine. With the way things were going, offices did not open until much much later, sometime in either November or December!

Thia starts loving baby Lionel…

“For you make me glad by your deeds, Lord; I sing for joy at what your hands have done. How great are your works, Lord, how profound your thoughts!” Psalms 92:4-5

We had to consciously make Thia sleep next to Santosh more, to avoid her kicking or headbutting my stomach by mistake in the night. The transition was hard but Thia made it easy, as always! She was weaned off breastmilk and moved to formula in the first trimester and soon she started to understand when we repeatedly told her that there is a baby in amma’s stomach. One day, sometime between the first and second trimester, Thia lifted my t-shirt up and kissed my stomach and said baby Lion. From that day onwards, she always addressed my stomach as baby Lion and was always aware that she had to be careful around my stomach.

When the movements became more prominent, I started letting her feel the kicks, but it took her till my third trimester to properly feel the kicks herself when I put her hand over my stomach. Through my pregnancy, Thia grew to love her little brother in my stomach, much before he was even born. This truly was a blessed time.

Our decision to shift homes!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

In the mid of 2020, we decided that we would need to shift to a smaller house to be more financially stable. We first discussed making this move sometime in the beginning of 2021. But circumstances changed and we had to prepone our decision to move as early as October itself. After discussions and debates, we decided to move in October so that it won’t be too close to my delivery date. My dad decided to move in to a one bedroom close to us so that he would continue to have his own space and privacy.

Once that was decided, we started mentally preparing ourselves for the move, as we knew this time we had accumulated a lot of stuff and the move was definitely going to be super hard on us 😛

Continued protection and good health!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and through my second trimester, we were able to better refine my diet. Also, with a better understanding of what suited and what didn’t suit me, we were able to keep my sugar under control with almost minimal oral medication, and no insulin, AT ALL!!!

Our anomaly and NT scan went well and baby Lion was growing strong, healthy and flawless, under God’s love and protection. We only regretted not spending as much time talking to Lionel as we did with Thia. Our main focus was to ensure Thia never felt excluded, whilst getting our office work done and keeping the house clean. Now that by itself was a herculean task.

My blessing: my husband!!!

“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:28-33

Santosh spent most of last year working day and night! During the day he took care of Thia, and in the nights he worked late to ensure he was meeting deadlines. And he never complained, even once…

I can’t thank God enough for him in my life. The way he is, the way he treats me and our family, is a true testament to his upbringing and faith, all and only God it is!

Me and My Amma

What is life without conflict?
Not one person can honestly say that they have no conflicts with the one they love…
Me and my amma, we always fought!
Me resisting her always, and she always looking out for me
Even when I was at my worst, she loved me and accepted me
Even I was a raging mess, she tolerated me and never kicked me out
She kept my secrets all her life
Took all my pain, and hid it deep within her
She knew that my actions did not define me as a person
And made sure I knew that too, in her own special way
That’s just how it was for us and that’s exactly how we liked it.

Now that my amma is no more,
There have been many days that I’ve wished that I’d done things differently
Listened to her more
Not fought back as much as I did
Been a little less of a brat
Picked fewer fights
Helped her more, and so on
But then I think, if I had done all this would she still mean the same to me, or more?

We spend so much of our time focused on the “What ifs?”
Why can’t we instead focus on the good memories?
When we do that, we’ll realise that we have so many good memories to fall back on

Memories that make you remember how your amma was always the best, even when she didn’t let you have curd rice for dinner 🙂

Memories like waking up in the middle of the night, and going to sleep next to her and appa because you’ve wet your bed

Waking up to the smell of hot food every morning and running straight into the kitchen from bed to see what’s cooking for lunch
Followed by amma asking me to brush my teeth before rushing out like that

Sometimes annoying weekends when amma would make us help her clean the house to get it ready for Diwali followed by the happiness of awesome veg kurma or macaroni and sometimes even cake to reward us for helping her

Amma calling my mobile from the next room in a 2 bedroom apartment, asking me to come and press her back or sometimes to just come and switch off the light once she’s done reading

Getting ready for work and speaking to amma all the way to work, even when there is nothing to speak

Sending pictures of dishes I cooked all by myself while staying alone, and calling her to see what she thought of the dish based on how it looked in a photo

All these memories, some good, some bad, defined our relation
Even though there is not one day that goes by without me missing her and wanting her back
I know that my memories with her will always stay with me
and I will not look back anymore with regrets of how I could have done this and that differently
Because what we had was great, and what we had made us closer in our own way!