As the third trimester creeped, we had finalised the house we would be moving in to. We found a newly constructed building that was ready by the third week of October. Soon, my sister moved out to her own place, followed by my dad who found a cozy one bedroom apartment very close to us.
Before we knew it, it was October 15th, and we were celebrating Thia’s second birthday. We got a Masha and the Bear cake made by Mano. Some photos from her special day:
October 15 2020
God’s hand of protection over me
“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3
Throughout my pregnancy God’s mighty shield of protection has surrounded me physically and mentally. The number of instances where his protection has been over me are uncountable but here is one that will stay with me forever. One day during my second or third trimester (This is why I shouldn’t have delayed writing this for 3 years almost), I was clearing up the kitchen and the cast iron tawa that we use to make dosa was on the gas stove. Quite absentmindedly, I picked up the tawa with both my hands. When I say both my hands, I mean i held it firm with both my hands, all ten fingers curdled around the pan. What I didn’t know was that the pan was just used, and was piping hot. I held on to the pan for at least 30 seconds before my pregnancy brain sent the signal up to my super slow brain and I felt the heat and kept the pan down.
With how hot the pan was, and the amount of time I held on to it, my hand should have been burned very badly. I panicked and held my hand under the tap for a few minutes and then went and sat down waiting to see blisters. Hours passed by but not a single blister appeared on my hand. Not one at all. And within an hour my skin was not even hurting or burning. What a miracle this was! What a huge huge miracle.
Even when we feel like nothing is going our way, it is going in God’s way!
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
After Thia’s birthday, we started packing up to be prepared for our move to our new house.
The first bad news we got is when the owner informed us that he wasn’t able to get the electricity line connected and that the officials were giving him a hard time but it would be done in a week max.
We decided to start moving our clothes slowly, and moved and arranged most of our clothes in the new house, leaving behind just a few clothes to live in. But a week passed by and we were in the fourth week of October but the electricity wasn’t fixed. I started to panic as I was hardly a month away from my delivery date (December 7 I think). We prayed and waited for things to fall in place and kept moving things slowly. Finally towards the 24th the house was ready and we were scheduled to move on the 26th when the ground floor of our house got filled with sewage water. We had to move to the new place the very next day and it was quite crazy. But God was with us through it all and sent us all the right people to help us. And even though we feared that we’d be paying rent in two places, God had other plans.
The owner in the new house only asked for prorated rent for the last week as the electricity delay was his fault. The owner of our current house gave us back our entire deposit and some more to compensate for the sewage water entering our house (it is very toxic and harmful for the baby). We had blessing after blessing.
Also, my dad being the first person to move out made so much sense because if he had been there when the sewage leak happened on his floor, he would have lost ALL his possessions. God has his way of protecting all of us.
By the first week of November we were moved in and slowly settling into our new home. I was one month away from holding my baby, that’s when the tough times began!
My last month was filled with severe skin irritation (PUPPP), hot flashes, and mood swings. To add to these, My AC took nearly a week to be installed. I would spend every night bathed in sweat and itchy. Through all those tough times, Santosh would give me towels soaked in cold water and ice to help me cool down and relieve the itchiness.
As I have said a zillion times, my husband is my best gift from God.
We got closer to the D day, and my doctor asked me to take a Covid test that would be valid for exactly 14 days (until November 30 – my birthday). Due to my gestational diabetes, I was scheduled for induction at 39 weeks. My doctor gave me the option to get admitted a day before my birthday so I could share my birthday with my baby, or get admitted on my birthday and have baby’s birthday as December 1st. We decided to get admitted on the evening of November 30th, and that’s what we did.
The story of my delivery, and birth of Lionel Santosh will be next.
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17
My pregnancy progressed with no obstacles. Movements became stronger by the day and it filled my heart with joy every time I felt him move. I started showing pretty early and also lost between 8-10 kgs in the first and second trimester because of my eating habits. Overall, we were blessed with a peaceful pregnancy, considering we were busy balancing our office work and home work and were up late most nights.
Letting my office know!
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
Sometime in July, there were talks about offices opening up in phases and this worried me a bit. I decided to have a talk with my manager and to let him know that I am pregnant. When I chatted with him, by default I took the approach of apologizing for being pregnant, like I was admitting I made a mistake; and I also was more focused on reassuring my manager that my pregnancy would not stop me from performing at the expected levels. His response shocked me. He first asked me not to apologize and congratulated me because a second kid is good news (I knew that but the fear of being judged made me behave otherwise). He went on to tell how good it is to have a second child and that we had made a good decision as a family. He concluded by assuring me that the team, office, and he would help in every way to make my pregnancy easy on me and that I would not be required to come to office until it is completely safe to and only if I want to. He even asked me to send an email including everything we discussed and replied back with a confirmation on the same.
His kind words really made me feel so much comfortable, it showed that as an organization and as a manager, they had my best interests in mind, and treated me like an employee and not a machine. With the way things were going, offices did not open until much much later, sometime in either November or December!
Thia starts loving baby Lionel…
“For you make me glad by your deeds, Lord; I sing for joy at what your hands have done. How great are your works, Lord, how profound your thoughts!” Psalms 92:4-5
We had to consciously make Thia sleep next to Santosh more, to avoid her kicking or headbutting my stomach by mistake in the night. The transition was hard but Thia made it easy, as always! She was weaned off breastmilk and moved to formula in the first trimester and soon she started to understand when we repeatedly told her that there is a baby in amma’s stomach. One day, sometime between the first and second trimester, Thia lifted my t-shirt up and kissed my stomach and said baby Lion. From that day onwards, she always addressed my stomach as baby Lion and was always aware that she had to be careful around my stomach.
When the movements became more prominent, I started letting her feel the kicks, but it took her till my third trimester to properly feel the kicks herself when I put her hand over my stomach. Through my pregnancy, Thia grew to love her little brother in my stomach, much before he was even born. This truly was a blessed time.
Our decision to shift homes!
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
In the mid of 2020, we decided that we would need to shift to a smaller house to be more financially stable. We first discussed making this move sometime in the beginning of 2021. But circumstances changed and we had to prepone our decision to move as early as October itself. After discussions and debates, we decided to move in October so that it won’t be too close to my delivery date. My dad decided to move in to a one bedroom close to us so that he would continue to have his own space and privacy.
Once that was decided, we started mentally preparing ourselves for the move, as we knew this time we had accumulated a lot of stuff and the move was definitely going to be super hard on us 😛
Continued protection and good health!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and through my second trimester, we were able to better refine my diet. Also, with a better understanding of what suited and what didn’t suit me, we were able to keep my sugar under control with almost minimal oral medication, and no insulin, AT ALL!!!
Our anomaly and NT scan went well and baby Lion was growing strong, healthy and flawless, under God’s love and protection. We only regretted not spending as much time talking to Lionel as we did with Thia. Our main focus was to ensure Thia never felt excluded, whilst getting our office work done and keeping the house clean. Now that by itself was a herculean task.
My blessing: my husband!!!
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:28-33
Santosh spent most of last year working day and night! During the day he took care of Thia, and in the nights he worked late to ensure he was meeting deadlines. And he never complained, even once…
I can’t thank God enough for him in my life. The way he is, the way he treats me and our family, is a true testament to his upbringing and faith, all and only God it is!
So now that I knew I was pregnant, it was time to let my doctor know and fix the necessary appointments. Before we started the next steps, we sat and spent some time thanking God. Then we informed our first family; parents and siblings. Everyone was so happy and every time I thought of how God showed me this and promised me exactly this, it filled me with more joy.
God’s promise, delivered!
Soon after, we informed Dr. Rajnish and he asked us to come in for our first scan and appointment post the lockdown. I was already so excited, excited to hear the heartbeat and know that there was a little baby growing in me. But we were also so anxious about being pregnant in the midst of such a weird time, with the pandemic and everything surrounding it. But we decided to stand strong on our faith. God had promised us a baby and had given us as promised.
So if God had chosen this time for me to be pregnant, then he would protect me through this pregnancy as well. And we again reminded ourselves to stand strong on our faith and trust God.
Trusting in God’s protection, always!
“The God of my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; my Savior, You save me from violence. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.” 2 Samuel 22:3-4
My first scan was good. We heard the heartbeat and were filled with so much joy. The doctors appointment went well and we started settling into the new normal, where Santosh wasn’t even allowed to come in for my scans. I felt bad but it was what it was. And rules like this had to be followed for a reason.
My pregnancy progressed and I started experiencing very severe nausea caused by an aversion to a long list of foods. This list included dals, spices, coconut, certain veggies… the list was so endless. So many things made me sick that it took me a while before I figured out what didn’t. That one thing that I enjoyed was meat! This was so totally opposite to my pregnancy with Thia.
Facing challenges, with God steering us…
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
We also had to give blood and urine tests in our next appointment. and when my test results came back, it became evident that I had a very serious urinary infection (bacterial), and to top it, this infection was completely asymptomatic. This worried me as the doctor mentioned I would need to take antibiotics to treat the infection and there was a small chance of miscarriage. With my history of miscarriage, the word by itself, with however small the risk, made me scared. But I continued to pray and trust God, cos this was His blessing, and He would protect it.
My blood tests also showed that I may have gestational diabetes and hypothyroidism, and I was put on medication for both. This further shortened the list of things I could eat. It was definitely a struggle but we overcame it all and set ourselves into a routine of what to eat and what to not eat. There were still so many days when I would eat something thinking it is okay and then I’d be sick for the rest of the day.
By the end of the first trimester, we were able to monitor my sugar, and my medicines were reduced to the minimal. Though I was restricted from eating most of the things that I liked, I still was healthy and had a healthy baby growing in me.
I am so thankful God took care of these pregnancy concerns for me:
Bacterial urinary infection: Disappeared within a week with medication and without any long term effects on baby and me. Santosh had a dream during this time that we met with an accident but we were okay, even the baby.
Low heartbeat: First scan showed that the babies heartbeat was a little low. The heart beat picked up drastically within weeks.
Gestational diabetes: I was diagnosed with gestational (not completely confirmed in the first trimester) and put on medication to control the sugar levels. God brought me down to the lowest level of medicine by the end of my first trimester. He gave us the wisdom to identify and eat only those foods that kept the sugar in control.
Breathlessness: During my second month, I experienced severe breathlessness a couple of times and informed my doctor of the same. The doctor suggested a cardio visit if it continued. Prayed about it and the breathlessness reduced drastically.
This is just some of the many ways God protected us during the first trimester.
Feeling him for the first time!
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
I started feeling flutters when I was about 11 and half weeks pregnant. These felt so identifiably different from the usual gas or acidity you feel when you’re pregnant. I was amazed at how early I could feel him, and how often as well. It was truly amazing.
He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. Psalm 112:7
‘If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.’ John 15:7
The last time I was here, I was speaking of how God answers our prayers, but only at His time. Here’s a recap of what I said.
Now, what I am going to do is rewind a bit and tell you about how God set the stage for one of the best things that happened to me this year. Let us start with December, the end of 2019.
How 2019 ended for me!
‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’ 1 Peter 5:7
The year of 2019 was good, my gift from God, my first daughter Thia, turned one. I returned to work in April, post my maternity leave. My journey back to work may have been tough, leaving my daughter at barely over 6 months and having just introduced her to a creche, there was a lot that was happening but I had quite a great workplace, very understanding colleagues and a super accommodative manager who let me work from home once a week. But over all this, I had God watching over me through every step.
Thia, from day one at the creche, was one of the easiest babies to manage (as told to me by the creche staff). One small example of this, on the first day at creche, she was to stay for only 2 hours and my husband was to pick her up. The creche staff mentioned that they might call him in early incase she gets very cranky. But to our and to everyone’s surprise, on the very first day of her going to creche she stayed for over 3 hours. They only called Santosh in to pick her up because they didn’t want to keep her any longer as her milk was over, and they didn’t have any to feed her. This is how well our God takes care of us when we have faith. Since then, Thia has been with the creche till March 2020 and she learnt and grew and made some amazing memories there.
I started to actively look for jobs in October and landed a job in PhonePe, where I am working currently. The job came at the right time and with the right offer.
2020: Not just the year of Covid, but also the year of many blessings…
‘And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.’ 2 Corinthians 9:8
How my year began: Work from home, the new normal!
The start of 2020 brought on the start of a new job for me. I settled in quite quickly into a workplace that was one of the most welcoming I have been in. Within a month, I was settling in and feeling like part of the team. Just when I was comfortable and sure of what I was doing, it was March and we were by then very much aware of the rising number of Covid cases and the impending lockdown. In the first week of March, my office announced an indefinite work from home, and we were told that we will be updated as and when the government takes any further decisions.
Meanwhile, on the news and everywhere else, all we heard about is the number of rising cases, and deaths. And me being me, I still didn’t know exactly what Covid was.
God led decisions and God’s answered prayers
In the second week of March, Santosh and I were speaking and one of us opened up the idea of trying to get pregnant again, it may have been me 😛 Ok, it was ME!
So we discussed and decided to consult my doctor who delivered Thia (Dr. Rajnish Samal) and see what he says. My concern was whether we should wait till I lose weight and get healthy. Also, we were initiating our immigration process to Canada, so I didn’t know whether to wait till we got there or to just get pregnant. When I asked him all of these questions, he said I should try for both, to lose weight and to get pregnant as well, pretty solid advice that was and we decided to go with what he said. I am still thankful for the wonderfully practical advice he gave me on that day.
God’s promise of what was to come…
Exactly 4 days later on the 17th of March, which is my dad’s birthday, I had a dream that I was pregnant with a baby boy. The next day when I told Santosh, he was so excited but reminded me that we should wait and see what God has in store for us. Also, one thing that needs to be mentioned now is that I was trying to get myself to wean Thia off breastfeeding but wasn’t able to get myself mentally ready. A week after I had the dream, I noticed that Thia had reduced her feeds and was biting me in frustration. This made me wonder if I wasn’t producing enough milk, and the next most obvious question was, “Could I really be pregnant?”.
The excitement was building, and we waited patiently till the first day of my next cycle to see if I missed it and if I should test. The weirdest part was that my cycles were still so weird, so there was actually absolutely no way to know when was late. But we decided to test on day number 32, which was April 4th.
Santosh bought the test and asked me to wait till I was at least a day late before I tested. But I had no patience, and on the 4th morning I decided to take the test. Thia was playing with her friends in the hall and Santosh was with them. I cannot forget the excitement and nervousness as I took the test (without telling Santosh as he would have only warned me to wait so that I don’t get disappointed). I waited with my heart in my mouth for the line/lines to light up. After what felt like forever, the second pink line was shown nice and dark and there was this oh-so-faint first line, it was as good as invisible but it was there, and I knew in that moment that God changed my dream into a reality, and I was pregnant. I called Santosh in frantically and showed it to him. We took another test, and with this one both lines were dark and so visible. We just stood there and thanked God for giving us the best gift ever, in the midst of our struggle with the pandemic, the lockdown, the new way of life, working from home or hardly working from home, the sleepless nights, and so much more.
All that mattered in that moment was the joy we felt when we knew God had given us the best gift ever. Here is a picture of the test from that day:
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11
So this time again, I will be taking you through my amazing journey with this pregnancy. Today, I’m hardly a week from meeting our baby and I want to get this journey on record before I deliver so that the memories are fresh and I am still free and able to complete it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed living it and penning it down for all of you.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8
Every unanswered prayer is God asking you to wait for His time. Every time we pray and ask God for something… anything… be assured that your prayer is heard, even when it is not answered. So next time a prayer is not answered, remember, it is not His time: So you can tell God, “You know what is the right time for me, and you will answer my prayer as per Your time, and even give me more than I prayed for”.
Recently, I was unsure and confused about certain things in my life and I decided to pray and ask God what is right for me. I prayed a simple prayer, “God, if this is Your will, please don’t let anything block what has to happen!” and you won’t believe it, but I got exactly what I prayed for
Labour and childbirth: the journey of
how you came into this world!
‘I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord , the Maker of heaven and earth.’ Psalms 121:1-2
Thia,
Finally, the time had come! It was the 14th
of October and I was to be admitted to the hospital in the evening. I was
nervous, excited, scared, and so many other things that I couldn’t define.
Through all this, I tried to maintain my composure from the outside, to seem
calm and like a lady boss.
So as I was planning my birth, Dr. Rajnish
had shown us all the different birthing rooms: the general birthing room (where
7 to 8 women give birth at once and husbands aren’t allowed in), the luxury
birthing room (where I am allowed one visitor, so the rest of the family has to
be outside), and the deluxe birthing room (where there is a birthing room and
then a lounge with a restroom for all the family you want with you as you give
birth). Now I wanted the third room, because Mano aunty had told me about this
room, and after seeing it, I was sure that this where I wanted to give birth.
One reason being that I knew there would be a lot of family with me, and I
wanted them to be comfortable as they waited for you to make your entry into
this world. So I had conveyed all of this, planned the birthing room, which was
to be followed by the AC patient room after, to the hospital. They had informed
me that room would be based on availability, so if there was another person
occupying the room on the day I delivered, I would be moved to whatever may be
available then, maybe even the general birthing room. The thought of this
scared me and kept me awake many nights.
When the day finally came, I got to know
from the hospital that the deluxe room was under maintenance and would not be
available, so I would have to go for the luxury birthing room. I was so upset
and was sure that this was the start of a sequence of bad things that would
follow. Appa consoled me and told me that everything what is happening and what
will happen, will happen as per God’s plan and that we should learn to trust in
Him.
So we got packed up and left to the
hospital. Here is a picture of me just as we left that day:
This was taken just before we started to the hospital
We went into emergency, where I was put on a wheelchair and taken to the birthing room. Now appa went to pay the admission fees, and thatha and I went up to the room. So there was a small confusion that happened here, and the nurse took me to the general ward thinking that was where I was going to give birth. I was livid and told them no, I am going to the luxury room. Anyways, long story short, they finally realized their mistake and took me to the right room. I went in and was asked to change to the hospital gown and weight. Amma weighed exactly 100kgs the day I was admitted to deliver. So appa got his wish, I hit a century 😀
All settled in and waiting for the fun to start (still smiling!)
Once I was admitted and comfortable, the on-call doctor came in and informed me of what they planned to do. They were to induce me around 9, and then I would have my dinner, and rest and wait for the contractions to start. 3 hours later, they would come and check if I had started dilating, and would induce me once more. So that is what happened, I was induced at about 9, then the nurses came in with food for both of us, complete meals considering I wouldn’t be eating for a long amount of time after that. After the dilation, I waited for the contractions to start but didn’t seem to have any. Three hours later, they came in and checked and induced me again. I did start to have very mild contractions at this point. I was told to rest till about 6 in the morning when I would be given an enema to clear my stomach.
I slept for a couple of hours and woke up to the joy of an enema! I ate a quick sandwich before this and once I had cleared my stomach, Dr. Rajnish came in around 8 and checked my dilation and told me I am slowly progressing and that he would break my water, as it hadn’t yet naturally broken. So that is what he did, he took this wriggly scissor and cut my water bag open and I felt a gush of water flow out. He then asked me if I still wanted the deluxe room, as the room was being cleaned and would be ready soon. I told him yes, and he informed the nurses to check on the room status and move me up to the deluxe room as soon as it is ready. In between all this conversation, he also mentioned to the nurses that they can administer an epidural if I decided that I need one. So appa and I had decided that we would not get one no matter what, and Lachi periamma had explained the many side effects of getting one to me. We had discussed this so that we would both be aligned on what we wanted and there would be no confusion in the hospital when the time came and I begged for one.
So this is when the actual fun began, within the next half hour I felt the contractions steadily increase. Shekar thatha, at this point, came in to see me, and got super stressed and went into the chapel to pray. He didn’t return until I was shifted into my new room.
So getting back to my contractions: the pain felt like something I have never experienced before, a pain from the lower back to the abdomen and vaginal area, every contraction lifting your body up from the bed, almost to the point where you would be sure that your spine would snap in half. I had my Santosh and Lachi periamma with me, guiding me through the contractions, reminding me to breathe. Ok let me now explain to you the story behind this breathing exercise:
When I was pregnant with Moses and miscarried, I was rushed into the hospital and induced to push out the remnants (which included the placenta). So when I was going through these contractions, Geetha paati taught me how to breathe through the pain: inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth! Throughout that night in the hospital, she kept screaming at me to do that and I finally got it right. So it was almost like she prepared me for delivering you way back then, like she knew that I would need to be taught this.
Ok, so getting back to where we were, I followed the breathing exercise to the dot, very rarely screaming out of frustration (and being reminded not to immediately). So within an hour, the contractions went from being every 5 minutes to being every 2-3 minutes, and I was still waiting to be moved to the deluxe room. The nurse checked a couple of times and they said its almost ready. At about 11 (I may not be totally accurate on the time), the nurse said the room is ready and asked me if I still want to move. Santosh said no she doesn’t want to, but I cut him off and said if u can take me in a stretcher then I want to, but I can’t walk. The nurse said that is possible and I was moved to a stretcher and before I was wheeled out, the nurse asked me not to scream while I’m being wheeled to the top floor as it would scare other patients. I was so nervous that I would get another contraction midway and prayed that I wouldn’t get one.
I got wheeled till the lift, and as I waited there (the lifts always take a while in a hospital), I got another contraction and I almost screamed and the nurse was like shhhhhh so I just bit my teeth and controlled myself. Oh, Thia, it was so horrible, and at that moment I slightly regretted being stubborn about wanting that room. The contraction passed eventually and we reached the room! The moment I entered the room and was being wheeled into the labour room past the guest lounge, I knew I was going to throw up. And throw up I did indeed, I filled two kidney bowls with vomit. Once I went in and was moved to the bed, my contraction came back, and wow, was it intense. By then, Dr. Rajnish and the on-call doctor had been checking in to see how far I had dilated. I was about 6 or 7 cms dilated by then and had another 3 to 4 cms to go (I am giving as much detail as I can remember).
Over the periods of the next few hours, the contractions got more intense and were coming within shorter intervals. By then I knew that everyone was in the next room waiting for me to deliver. Everyone being Sugandhi paati, Lachi periamma, Sneha periamma, Shekar thatha, and Rahul anna. Mami paati was on a flight to Bangalore and was going to land and come straight to the hospital. You won’t believe it, but your Rahul anna was only 18 years old and still chose to wait outside my room the whole day till you arrived and was one of the first people to hold you.
Nothing in the world can prepare you for this glorious process of bringing a baby into this world, and nothing but God can take you through it, trust me on this!
‘Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ‘ Matthew 19:26
I was in so much pain, each contraction worse than the previous one. As I said before, for every contraction, appa and Lachi periamma were holding and pushing my lower back to give me an extent of relief. They were also continuously encouraging me to push through the contractions (not literally, it wasn’t yet time to start pushing), to breathe right and not scream; and were giving me water and juice to sip on through it all and keep me hydrated.
After a point, the contractions were coming in with hardly a minutes break and were at their highest intensity. I was slowly starting to give up, sure that I wouldn’t get through this ever. So many thoughts were going through my head, most of which I wouldn’t want to share with you and scare you. Shekar thatha could hear all the screaming from outside and could only remember Geetha paati in labor years back (with me). He came in to see me and got a little scared, and went and told appa to tell them to do a c-section if natural delivery wasn’t working out. Sneha periamma calmed him down and he and Sugandhi paati (she also came in to see me and freaked out) went for a coffee. After that Shekar thatha went into the hospital chapel again and started praying and asking God to speed the whole delivery process and for a safe and healthy baby and mommy (me).
By now, the on-call doctor who was now in the room supervising my contractions had checked and told me I was 9 cms dilated and could start pushing really soon. Everyone started preparing for your arrival, the baby bed with the UV light, and all the other medical stuff kept ready, most of which I didn’t notice because I was busy going through one of the toughest trials of my life. I, on the other hand, was continuously begging that I just want an epidural. Appa and Lachi periamma kept sternly and loudly telling me that I won’t be getting one. Appa kept reminding me that God is my strength and that I can do this and don’t need an epidural or anything else.
There came a point around now when I could feel myself falling asleep between contractions, I was just so tired and couldn’t keep myself up. Appa, by the way, had been standing next to me since morning, and hadn’t even peed or taken a break for anything! He asked Lachi periamma if he could go to pee quickly, and she asked him to go when I was closing my eyes between my contractions. I didn’t even notice him leave, but a minute later, another contraction came and he wasn’t next to me! The way I screamed and called him, he came out running from the loo, zipping up as he came and I was so angry at him for leaving me.
Even Lachi periamma walked out and sent Sneha periamma to stay till she comes back and I was so angry at her too for leaving me, I basically made everyone’s life difficult that day. When Sneha periamma was standing with me, she tried making some jokes, and I just stared at her. Appa told her, “Sneha she’s literally killing you with her eyes.” Even though I was getting irritated then, I was also so very happy to have her with me, supporting me in her own way.
The different emotions that went through
me, so clearly I remember them all. As I got closer, I started weeping that I wanted
my amma and I didn’t want to do this without her. I remember crying
uncontrollably, and Sugandhi paati coming and consoling me and going.
Anyways, so the doctor checked me again and I was 10 cms dilated and ready. She told the nurses and everyone else to prepare for delivery and asked for Dr. Rajnish to be called in. He was in the operation theatre in the middle of a critical delivery. So they prepped and waited. I had the nurses, the doctor, appa and Lachi periamma encouraging me, keeping me awake and getting me mentally ready to push. I remember the doctor telling me to bring my knees to my chest and start pushing when I start feeling something bearing down (you), a feeling similar to taking a dump when you’re constipated. Just as she was saying that, Dr. Rajnish walked in and talked me through the pushing process, repeating the same as the other doctor and adding that I need to grit my teeth and push; and not scream while pushing at all! So when you scream and push, all the force comes from your lungs, which is not what we want. Instead, when you grit your teeth and push, you are exerting all your energy from your lower abdomen, helping push the baby out.
And so I started pushing. After the second push, your head was visible and appa saw it and told me he could see it. The nurse then told appa and Lachi periamma to stand and watch at the door as the room was getting too crowded. I was so scared as I told appa bye, but he told me to be strong, and that God is in control, and walked away.
At that point, doc told me to stop pushing and rest my legs on the stirrups when I didn’t feel the bearing down, to conserve my pushing energy for when I did feel it. I had a room full of nurses and doctors shouting at me to push, encouraging me with strong words. It was a totally different feeling in that room that day. I pushed and pushed and I could hear them saying, “You’re doing it Subah, the shoulder is out, one more push and you’re done. Push really hard.” And I did just that, I pushed with all the force I could muster! I felt something really big pass and slide out of me and instantly I felt light, you were out!
A moment later, through all the instructions and orders flying around, I heard you cry, and I lay back and knew I was crying too but no tears came out (I was probably dehydrated). So I wasn’t wearing my glasses at this point and I could see everything only hazily, and you were an unclear blob. I kept asking is it a boy or a girl, but I guess I wasn’t audible cause I was actually just whispering. I tried to pay attention to the conversation to catch any word that would indicate if you were a boy or girl, but couldn’t follow anything. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, doc brought you in front of me when I asked again if it was a boy or girl. He asked me to see and tell, and because I didn’t have my glasses, I thought you were a boy and said: “it’s a boy”.
This is when God’s words to me came true!
‘“Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. ‘ Mark 11:23
He said, “No Subah, look closer!”, and I looked, realized, and screamed, “Santosh, it’s a girl”. Do you remember the dream I told you of where I saw this and named you with two very powerful names? That is what happened, the day before we delivered, we had finalized on Thia Zidane for a girl and Mateo Zidane for a boy, both meaning abundant gift from God! You were given in my hands and I probably held you for a few seconds before you were taken away again. So I got really impatient and that is when doc told me to be patient as they had to stitch me up first. That’s when I was super confused and asked him when did he cut me. He smiled and said didn’t you realise when I gave you an anesthetic and cut you open right before you pushed, and right after baby head started crowning. I did not even realise when all this happened. Anyways, long story short, I was stitched up and I felt every stitch, but somehow my restlessness to hold you numbed the pain for me. I kept asking the on-call doctor who was stitching me, “How much longer?” cause I was so restlessly waiting to hold you.
Here you are: Thia Zidane SantoshYour first cries
I was brimming with energy and excitement, jealous cause I could hear everyone holding you outside, but not me! I didn’t feel like someone who just pushed out a baby after 8 hours of labour, I felt renewed, rejuvenated and pumped with energy; all glory to God for everything!
‘For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. ‘ Psalms 84:11
15 minutes later, I was stitched up and ready to hold you, I sat up and you came into my arms for the first time, here is a picture of the moment:
So that is how you made your grand entrance into this world and became the center of our world. This brings us to the end of this series of letter Thia, I hope that whenever you read this, you will understand now why you were and are the most important person in the world to me, and will always be.
My God lived up to his promise to me and
gave me you!
Here are a few pictures from the 15th of October, 2018:
You continued to grow in me, with a growing tummy and a heart full of anticipation I awaited my D-day!
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ‘ Jeremiah 29:11
Yes, we were starting our third trimester and pretty excited. So we were just bursting with excitement and looking forward to your every next kick or movement within me. In meanwhile, in the office, my manager asked me to go into my maternity leave early, as my project was closed 3 weeks before the expected end date. She wanted me to get on maternity by the end of July, but then when I tried to initiate, I was informed that paid maternity leave could only be started some 2 months before the expected due date, which was August 20. So then we decided to wait it out cause we couldn’t afford to have a loss of pay right before the delivery. So that was decided, I was going to start my maternity leave August 21st, which coincidentally was just before paati’s birthday.
We had also just found a house for thatha to move in with us. Now came the hard part, actually moving! We decided to move on the 27th and 28th of July and we knew we had a good week before that happened. I fell sick sometime around the 22nd of July, amma got fever, cough and body pain! Amma had not only over-exerted when Ashnil anna came home, but she also sat and ate a bowl full of ice cream, thus the cough and fever. I had to go into emergency and get checked when my temperature stayed high for too long, and appa and I were so tensed and worried about your safety. The doctor checked me, we were in emergency for almost 4 hours, and they finally said that it was a UTI which had caused everything and that I should take some meds and be careful about using public restrooms. Thank God for protecting you in my womb every day and in every way.
Friends are such a blessing always!
‘Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. ‘ Proverbs 27:9
Soon it was moving day, and we had loads of friends who were kind enough
to help us with the whole moving process. On the first day, the 27th,
we moved our one bedroom house with the help of movers and packers and super
awesome friends like Harsha and Nishanth. The whole move took the entire day,
was super tedious and tiring, and we hardly ate anything. When we were finally
done evening and everyone left, we started arranging our clothes in our
cupboard and we realised that we, appa and I, had completely lost our
appetites. Appa said he wouldn’t eat anything, but I had to eat something to
ensure you were okay, so I ended up ordering a vanilla milkshake for dinner!
We slept knowing that the next day would be worse. Thatha was reaching
in the early morning, and a few hours after that, all of my Chennai home was
arriving, to be arranged in the new house!
Wow the thought of all that stuff coming in just terrified us but we just prayed and slept, asking God for strength to face the next day. The next morning, thatha came and slept for a few hours. Appa and I woke up starving and went out to eat some hot idlis. We brought some back for thatha and by the time he was done eating, the packers and movers reached with the stuff from Chennai. And that is when it began! The entire day went in organising, identifying and distributing all the stuff: as what we want, what Sneha periamma wants and what Lachi periamma wants. Wow, it was A LOT OF WORK! But it felt good going through all this stuff from home, sorting through to see who wants what.
Amma got shouted at a lot because I tried to do a lot even though I wasn’t supposed to! But you can’t really blame me for wanting to help, cause that’s just part of who I am. We closed the day exhausted and knowing that we weren’t anywhere close to done. That would take us a couple of weeks, and it did! Over the next 2 weeks, we managed to unpack and arrange everything at our own pace. By now, you were kicking and moving around a lot. Your most active time was right before I sept in the night. But you were weirdly camera-shy, every time we brought our mobile out to capture your movements and kicks, you would just stop moving. This made it impossible to capture these special moments to show Harini athai and Vinu athai.
We celebrated Geetha paati’s birthday, in remembrance of her!
‘Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. ‘ Proverbs 27:9
We decided to celebrate Geetha paati’s birthday and call everyone over. On August 22nd we had a small get together and it was so much fun. Paati was missed so much and we all wished that she would have been with us. Here is a glimpse of you during one of our last scans:
Here you are, all huddled up and comfortable inside amma
We realised that this was the perfect house for get-togethers and parties because of space and the overall area.
Now came the time for appa to plan my baby shower (I told him I want one no matter what). It was planned to happen mid-September and it was such a success, here are some pictures from my special day:
Ready for you, I waited in anticipation of the day I would get to hold you in my arms!
‘When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Wait for the Lord ; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord .’ Psalms 27:2,14
Post the baby shower, a week later, I was full-term and ready to deliver anytime. Now all I had to do is sit around and wait. This was the best time, I sat at home doing, eating well, watching TV and taking random long naps (though sleeping was becoming harder every day).
Sugandhy paati took such good care of your amma all through the
pregnancy, cooking all her favorite food, and just being there; that amma never
felt that Geetha paati wasn’t around (even though she was missed a lot). 2
weeks before my due date, we celebrate Rahul anna’s birthday at home, and just
before everyone came home, amma had a false alarm. We all thought I was going
to go into labor, but Lachi periamma asked me to lie down and drink water and
wait to see if it continued, and it didn’t. So we immediately knew it was false
contractions.
We waited every day with bated breath, keeping our eyes open for any sign that I may be ready. Dr. Rajnish asked us to get admitted on Oct 14 (my due date), if I did not go into labor naturally. Appa took the last week of my pregnancy off! He could not handle sitting at office when all he had on his mind was me, and what will happen if I went into labour when he was in office and he was not reachable (Bangalore network!)
Finally, it was October 13, and we were getting admitted the next
evening. Dr. Rajnish asked us to come into emergency 14th evening.
Our bags were packed and we were ready and still hopeful that I might go into
labour naturally before that. But alas, that was not God’s plan for me. I was
admitted on 14th and what happened after that, that is something I
will tell you in my next letter, Thia!
Fun fact: Do you know what was my meal the night before I got admitted to the hospital? Maggi and fried sausages! Sausages are something that I didn’t eat through my pregnancy, because we totally avoided all processed food. Ok so now let me close with this, and we will continue soon with the miraculous story of your birth.
The yummiest maggi and fried sausages I have ever had!
The difference between knowing God’s miracle and feeling God’s miracle: We felt you for the first time
‘Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.’ Ephesians 3:20-21
Now we had crossed the biggest hurdle: our faith in God was tested and we stood strong and believed that our God is a God who is in control always; the time had come to enjoy our pregnancy. The second trimester of a pregnancy is considered to be the easiest three months of a pregnancy, and so it was for me with you.
I joined Cognizant back on April 18th. It was so easy to go back there because it felt like going back home or to your hometown. When I went back, I had Harsha aunty to help me at work. When I say, “Help me!”, she would accompany me to eat, watch over me in the lifts and crowded spaces (nobody could figure out that I was pregnant) and in general just make sure that I was careful and taking care of myself. She was such a great support for me then.
A few days after I joined back work, during the weekend, your appa decided to shave his beard off. Appa and I were sitting and discussing this when you kicked for the first time! It was almost like you were protesting/supporting appa shaving his beard off, we can’t really be sure which of the two it was. But that was the first day I felt God’s miracle – You in me; and it just blew me away. Wherever I read about this first movement, there was this stuff that said that sometimes that movement will be so similar to gas that you won’t be able to differentiate between the baby’s movements and gas (considering we tend to get so gassy during pregnancy, your amma surely was very very gassy while carrying you). But when I felt you move for the first time, I just knew it was you! Appa couldn’t feel the movement then, but he was so happy when I told him that I felt your movement.
At that point we were so sure, Thia, that you were going to be a boy so we would always address you as he. Appa said he had a dream that we were having a boy and I had to believe him because the first time I refused to believe him when he said that and it turned out that Moses was a boy. So I am telling you this so you’ll know that till the moment you were delivered we were so sure that we were having a boy (even though there were solid reasons to believe that you would be a girl, I will explain that to you soon).
The day was the 22nd of April 2018 and it was the most amazing day of our lives!
Watching you grow inside me
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5 NIV
Over the next few weeks, I started showing. By the mid of May, it was impossible to not know that I was pregnant (Yet some people didn’t realize I was pregnant even then)! Appa had a cousin who was getting married in Chennai, and we decided to go ahead and make a trip to Chennai to attend it. I had decided to wear paati’s sari and we made our trip as scheduled for the wedding. A lot of people noticed that amma was pregnant and wished us good luck. These are few memories of that day.
We spent two happy days with thaatha in Chennai as he was staying alone. We reached Bangalore to get back to work and to our usual routine. A week after we were back, on the 29th of May, we went for our regular scan and saw you for the first time so clearly, and you were so beautiful and so active. The doctor said, and I felt as well, your zillion moves inside me, and my heart was so filled with joy knowing that you were inside me growing under God’s guidance.
At this point, I was enjoying the attention of pregnancy at work! By May-end, Sneha Periamma got a job in Bangalore and decided to move here, and a few weeks after that, Lachi periamma and family too moved to Bangalore because Rahul anna got admission in Bangalore for college. It was such an exciting time, everyone that I wanted with me were moving to Bangalore and Bangalore started to feel more and more like home.
Once these guys moved, Sneha periamma and I discussed how it was time that even thaatha moved to Bangalore as there was no point of him being all alone in Chennai. We decided to convince him to rent out the apartment and to move in with us, and we were to look for a bigger place like a 3 bedroom apartment. We started our hunt for the perfect house around July.
God showed you to me in my dream
‘For God does speak—now one way, now another— though no one perceives it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they slumber in their beds, ‘Job 33:14-15
On June 30th, I had a dream that told me that I will be having you. I dreamt that I’m in the hospital and I deliver a baby and I am asking the doctor, “Is it a boy?” and he says, “No, it’s a girl”; and in the dream, we named you. We named you with 2 very beautiful and powerful names, but the next day when I woke up I couldn’t remember the names. I told this to Vinu athai, here is my message to her on July 1st telling her this:
Thank you Vinu for letting me share this!
So basically when I delivered you at the hospital, and when you made your entrance into this world, the doctor came and showed you to me and because I wasn’t wearing my glasses, you were hazy and I asked/exclaimed to the doctor, “It’s a boy.” and he said, “No Subah, look closer!” That is when I realized you were a girl, and I almost screamed out, “It’s a girl! Santosh, it’s a girl!”. A few days before you were born, we were going through our list of shortlisted names for boys and girls (we just had the list of girl names for the sake of having it) and we finalized on Zidane being the middle name, I couldn’t agree to a first name as Zidane even though Zidane did mean abundance, which went with all the names we choose (most of which meant ‘gift of God’). After some deliberation, we finalized on Mateo Zidane Santosh if it is a boy and Thia Zidane Santosh if it is a girl. That is how your name was finalized. Now there is no way to be sure that I had used the same name in my dream but one thing was sure, God showed us that you would be a girl much much before I delivered you, but, fools that we are, refused to believe it.
We found the perfect house
‘The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14
We started looking for houses for Thaatha to move to Bangalore in July, and we shortlisted a few 3 bedroom apartments. But thaatha was pretty insistent that he wanted us to take a 2 bedroom and he would take a 1 bedroom in the same building, to get his privacy and ensure that we get ours too. We looked through a lot of houses and were almost ready to confirm this spacious 3 bedroom apartment when we decided to look around one last time. There was this independent house that appa was trying to get me to see for quite some time but I was pretty against seeing it because most independent houses were almost always so badly done, with no cabinets at all in the kitchen (that was one thing I wouldn’t compromise on). On that day, appa convinced us to go see the apartment and I just agreed.
We called the owner and went and saw the place, and OMG it was gorgeous. It was a duplex; the ground floor being a one bedroom with its own hall and bathroom and there was a staircase that went to the first floor. The first floor was a two bedroom, with a spacious hall, a dining area, a master bedroom with attached bathroom and a guest bedroom with a separate bathroom, and a small service area. The house was gorgeous, spacious and so well done, with a complete modular kitchen and bedrooms with amazing cupboards and fittings. The moment we saw it, we knew this was the place. Over the course of the next two weeks, we finalized this house and thaatha moved in with us on August 1st. He emptied our home in Chennai and brought everything, renting out his flat! Thanks to all of thaatha and paati’s furnitures, our new home felt more like home than ever. God gave us the right place when we needed, proving over and over again that He is our provider and He always knows what’s best for us. We only need to trust him!
This is something I have thought over many times! When times are tough, we are so quick to start praying and asking God for a resolution. But when God answers our prayers, why do we turn his blessing around by simply saying, “OMG, I can’t believe it, I got so lucky”, or, “It is such a coincidence, I was just wishing for this yesterday, and it just came and fell on my lap”
Luck? Coincidence? Are these really the reason you got that job you have been praying for? or that much needed raise in your salary to help you meet ends and have a little excess to save as well?
No, these aren’t either! These blessings and miracles in our lives are God’s grace being showered upon us, cause He alone will sustain and supply all our needs.
‘And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. ‘ Philippians 4:19
So the next time you get something that you really prayed hard for, or just something that you knew you needed and God decides to give it to you, don’t forget to pray and be thankful!
‘pray continually, Rejoice always, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
God’s wondrous miracles: and how he guided us step by step
God blessed us financially…
“Be still and know that I am God,” Psalm 46:10
From the day I got to know that I was
pregnant with you Thia, God’s blessings showered on us in abundance! No, I am
not exaggerating about this one bit. Let me walk you through all the blessings
of God during the first trimester!
Matthew 6:8 (NIV) Do not be like them, for
your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
During the December of 2018, amma decided to quit her job and take a break for a couple of months to spend time with your paati (grandmother)! But God decided to take her up to be with Him instead at the end of December, this is something we have spoken about several times I am sure 😀 Amma started looking for work from home jobs around the mid of December to keep busy and landed a decent job that I was to start with in January.
Sometime in October though, while serving
notice, I decided to reapply to Cognizant and had resent my resume to my
friend, aunty Ramya, remember her? Anyways around the end of January, when I
was pretty content with my work from home job, I got a call from Cognizant from
my team manager and she said she had received my profile to reapply and wanted
to speak briefly with me. We spoke for quite a bit, with me doing most of the
talking telling her about why I left and what am I doing in the gap of time of
not being with Cognizant and how I decided to rejoin. She spoke with me about
my work and skills and finally said they would love to have me back and that
the HR people would get in touch with me soon. A few weeks after this call, I
got to know I was pregnant and totally forgot about this interview and that I
should be expecting a call to take it forward.
I had signed a 3-month contract that would be renewed or made full time based on performance post the given duration, but somehow I wasn’t so much for continuing with the contract as I felt I wasn’t in the right headspace to take up a work from home opportunity with this particular place. Appa and I discussed this, and we prayed about it and decided to leave everything completely in God’s hands. We stayed focused on my pregnancy and were ecstatic as well as cautious about our little blessing, maybe a little overcautious at times, but that was something that we couldn’t stop, we are human after all!
Sometime around the start of March, I got a call from the HR and they confirmed that they would be taking my profile further and had a discussion about joining dates with me. I said I will join by April, and that coincidentally was also past my first trimester, which marked the end of the danger period for us. Post this call, there was no more interaction from anyone for days and I almost lost hope that they would send an offer. Then finally, days later, they sent a request for information and asked me to quote my current CTC and my expected CTC. I was so skeptical Thia, cos I knew that when joining back in such a short period, I shouldn’t expect too much of a pay hike, but I still decided to quote a number that in my head seemed reasonably right and not like I am asking for too much. I sent this out with so much deliberation and appa asked me to just pray and leave everything to God, and that is exactly what I did. Some 3 days later, we woke up and were drinking a glass of milk in the morning and I received the offer letter. When I opened it, I couldn’t believe what I saw, I had been offered a CTC with a 50% increase in my previously drawn salary! That was 20% more than what amma asked for, that is how miraculous and wonderful our God is! He knows our every need and fulfills it as per His plan.
God sent the right Doctor for us!
‘For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; ‘ Psalm 91:11
So this is a bit funny… Amma had been going to a doctor a little far from home, a very reputed doctor who was helping us figure out why we were not able to get pregnant. Post some testing and reassuring us that everything was alright, she told us to not give up and asked us to come to her once we got the positive pregnancy test. Once we got to know I’m pregnant, we went to meet her the very next day as I had a trip planned to Chennai the day after. She met and congratulated us and then she proceeded to tell us to go to Bangalore Baptist Hospital where she told us to meet Dr. Mary (name changed) in a month’s time post the first scan.
Now little did we know that this doctor was
a specialist in infertility and that we were only to meet her so that she could
suggest any other good doctor to us within the hospital.
A month later we went for our scan and that was the first time we heard your heartbeat, we were so elated. Even Shekar thatha (grandfather) came with us for the scan and was truly overjoyed to be able to hear the heartbeat. Once we got the reports, we went to Baptist and booked an appointment with the doctor. Now, this is where it gets funny. The nurse called us in and appa, thatha (grandfather) and I proceeded towards the doctor’s room but the nurse stopped thatha (grandfather) and asked him to wait outside. We found this kind of weird and asked the nurse to let him in, and she requested that he come in after a while.
We went in and greeted the doctor and she
asked us, “So what is the issue?”. And I was kind of taken aback by the
question and told her, “Actually I am two months pregnant!”, and wondered why
she thought I had an issue. She then smiled and asked me, “Then why are you
here? I specialize in infertility!”
We laughed and then told her that we were sent by another doctor and gave her the slip. So it turned out that Dr. Mary (name changed) worked under my previous doctor and she had asked us to meet her to get a referral to a good doctor to handle our pregnancy. The next thing she told me was, “congrats, so are you okay with a male doctor?”. I immediately and instinctively said, “yes” and then looked at appa and his eyes seemed to be asking me, “are you really okay with a male doctor?” And I nodded to assure him that I was okay. Then I added, “I am okay with either if you feel the doctor is good and right for me”. So that is when she recommended Dr. Rajnish to me, the doctor that brought you into this world safe. Dr. Rajnish turned out to be such a blessing in our life, as you will get to know by the end of these letters.
God did make sure that we were financially
and mentally stable throughout this blessed time of pregnancy.
God tested our faith: Through prayer, anything is possible!
So amma had a nuchal translucency scan
(more commonly known as NT scan) during the 11th week. We were so
excited to see you during this scan, our little miracle baby. So after our
scan, we were sent to see Dr. Rajnish who told us there was a slight
abnormality in the baby, that there was less liquid in the back of her neck and
this could be indicative of Down’s syndrome. He explained to us slowly what are
the chances of it being Down’s and said that there is a new genetic blood test
that is done that can determine the chances of genetic deformities. He said
this blood test would take about 3 weeks, and based on the result we can decide
if we want to go ahead with an amniocentesis, which is an invasive method of
collecting fetal tissue to test for Down’s and carries the risk of miscarriage.
He said based on the results we can decide if we want to keep the pregnancy or
not. This completely shook us up, we were so upset! How could this be? We
thought how could God take our special blessing away from us?
We went back home dazed, your Sneha periamma (maternal aunt)was with us and she asked us to wait and see what happens. We immediately scheduled the blood test and decided to pray. We spoke to Vinu athai (paternal aunt) and she said the same thing, pray and wait. And that is exactly what we did. We prayed and gave the blood test. The test results were to come only after another 3 weeks. So we decided to make a trip to Chennai to attend one of appas cousins wedding. We thought we could also go to church and request for prayers there. We did just that. We went to Chennai and spent 2 days there, and went and met the pastor who prayed for us. We came back to Bangalore and waited anxiously with all our faith in God for the blood test results to come back. The results came back around 3 weeks later and when we looked through the results, it showed as no risk of any of the genetic deformities. Praise God for being able to turn the whole report upside down.
We went to meet Dr. Rajnish the next day and all he said was, “now that we have crossed this hurdle, let us move forward and enjoy this pregnancy”, and that’s just what we did. And this is not all of it, from the day you were born, at as young as 2 or 3 weeks of age, you had a strong and stable neck, almost being able to hold your head up straight, now how amazing is our God. He turned every doubting word around and gave us a baby that was much stronger than she was meant to be. Praise God and his amazingness!
